It comes and goes

It's interesting to watch what comes into and goes out of focus in my life. Some days, it's all I can do to get myself to roll out of bed. Other days, I just want to make it through work. There are so many days where things I think about first thing in the morning don't show up again until I'm trying to quiet myself for sleep because of all the little things that move in and out - work deadlines, birthdays, what to eat or when to leave for lunch, whether I'll get to talk to the man of my dreams.

A few weeks ago, I won a sweepstakes, of sorts. It was an online contest and I won a (low carat weight) diamond-studded ring, a "right hand ring," if you will. Well, it made me feel like, yes, my life has been sucking, but there is still a silver lining - I deserve something that makes me feel like I've been taking the right path. (I've won a lot of contests in the last year that have made me feel fortunate even in my pain.) The ring was a sparkly reminder of my ability to get pretty things without needing a man, or even a paycheck.

So what does it mean that my ring fell on the kitchen floor the other night and one of the sparklies - right in the center, mind you - jumped ship? The ring has moved off my radar for the moment, until I have the patience to go to a jeweler and have him or her replace the little tiny princess-cut chip that sailed.

Now I have Hawaii on the brain again because I got an email about what's planned for my birthday...a long horseback ride into a secluded valley with hidden waterfalls and picnics. Ah...a rendevous with my loving man and a couple of horses (oh, and a guide and whoever else goes on the same trip) in a tropical painting of an area. I'm still on the right path, I think.

Nothing, really...

Oh, hormones. I'm pretty sure mine are surging right now. The moods are swinging from the trees. Don't know if today's really a day to write, but I have some things that have been floating around in draft form that I don't know why I didn't post. It's probably because I didn't feel like they were finished or perfect, or that I wasn't ready to release them. Then again, it might be that I'm not okay with feeling lousy, or letting people know about it. But that's why I opened this blog - to be okay with posting whatever comes out, whenever it does. No names, no real identifying info except feelings. Safety in being honest with myself.

The following two posts will be dated at the top for when they were written.